FAQ. Sort of.
More—or less—than you needed to know.
Are you any good?
Yes—very. Effective, too. Having been doing this stuff for nigh-on thirty years, I probably know what I'm doing and can cover almost anything that's thrown at me.
Do you work alone?
No. I have good'n'great contacts—'the network of trusted associates'—talented, experienced individuals and organizations who know their stuff and upon whom I call for specific requirements.
There's a lot of info here. Why?
Actually, you're wrong… there's not that much stuff here—and when considered from the perspective of entering into a business relationship it's pertinent stuff that'd quickly arise in preliminary conversation. But, we live in a world of increasingly amateur commercial enterprise in which too many folk simply don't know what they're doing and, in selecting business associates, use no more thought than they would in grabbing a pair of socks at the local store—it's no wonder many associations don't work well.
Can I hire you to help me?
Possibly. I'm available for selected stuff—but it has to be real good because life's too short to fool-around with nonsense. Selective about the clients I accept and the projects on which I work, in proactively approaching folk where I feel it'll be of mutual benefit I don't advertise—and reject the majority of unsolicited offers.
Why aren't you trying to 'sell this to me'?
I'm simply not interested in deals where someone has to be persuaded, convinced and sold. So, I make the potential downsides clear from the get-go—anyone who doesn't is a cat without claws.
And, to be perfectly honest, I'm relatively unexcited about consulting work and prefer to focus on venture development—there's far less hassle, it's more satisfying and the money's a lot better. My RogueVenturer site has more detail if you're interested.
Are you trying to deter me?
Not necessarily you, but certainly time-wasters. Experience suggests that despite protestations to the contrary, most people would rather receive corroboration than seek advice. I neither want nor accept such work—so if you'd prefer to be told you're right rather than explore genuinely beneficial improvement, do us both a favor and for god's sake stay clear of me.
Huh?
I charge for expertise, not flattery. This is straightforward, no-nonsense, punches-not-pulled work for grown-ups—an uncompromisingly market-focused, results-oriented examination-and-analysis appraisal in which I'll take a look at your stuff and suggest ways to dramatically improve it.
So, if I got this right… I'll pay you to criticize what I'm doing?
Sure, absolutely. Don't forget though, it's a two-stage process… having pointed out what's wrong I'll then help you get it right.
Is criticism a smart way to get business?
No, not at all. Most folk aren't able to take it objectively and hence become personally defensive. I've seen others deal with this issue by beating around the bush with, for example: 'Y'know, there's a real opportunity here for you to present yourself better by fixing things of which you may not have been aware—would you like to hear my ideas and suggestions?'. Personally, if I'm walking around with my zipper open I'd rather someone just told me straight—hence my view is uncompromising: 'get mad at me for the criticism, or thank me for making you aware of the situation and pointing out any problems'. And I know which of the two is most likely to have the best success.
Are you saying I should 'seek criticism… not praise'?
Yes. Consider this clip from Paul Arden:
"We all like praise. But constructive well-intentioned criticism is much more useful: it gives us progress. Praise doesn't add anything, it just reassures us our stuff is probably ok. Isn't it better to boldly ask 'what's wrong with it?'—and therein open ourselves to better by fixing the flaws? The 'trick' is to take the 'me' out of the equation: to not be personally offended."
With that in mind, I like to think I'm not pointlessly bitching, preaching or saying 'you're dumb and I'm smart'. Instead I'm suggesting 'affirmative action toward a better business'.
Who appointed you as Ubermeister?
Me. Seriously… well aware that my stance is not welcomed by some, in choosing to be influential rather than popular I take an uncompromising and iconoclastic viewpoint about which I'm blunt: 'most businesses suck—and, in search of an appropriate blend of higher commercial and ethical standards (human in a good way), I'm trying to make business a better place'.
Are you difficult to work with?
Only with those who're not open & honest and have no desire for 'better'.
'I'm here—and you're there'… is geography a problem?
Not unless you want it to be. Much of my work is undertaken by phone—client and I never meet. Besides, if 'onsite' is essential most places can be reached in less than couple of days, so 'distance' ain't an issue.
If you say 'yes', what are your rates?
I'm surprisingly economical—not at all expensive. At my regular rates, having me around for a month (20 days) can cost as little as £6k/$10k and a single, one-off 15-minute session can be had for £30/$50. Odd hours bill at £80/$145 and an 8-hour day is £500/$875. Initial brief 'what do you think?' conversations in which I deliver a straight yes-no-maybe are always free.
Will you deal on price?
Yes. With pre-payment and flexibility in the work-scheduling I can be available for around half of the rates above—insanely excellent value. Often those who can afford my rates have stuff on which I don't want to work—and many people with whom I'd like to work can't meet my regular fees… hence I cover selected assignments at lower/no cost as a 'give something back, help others' service to folk with something on which I choose to work and to whom I'd otherwise be unaffordable.
(For a long, long time I operated on a 'pay what you think appropriate' basis—then withdrew it because too many folk couldn't seem to get their head around it being a genuine offer.)
Money's not that important to me, so whilst frequently rejecting financially-lucrative gigs because the brief doesn't interest me or involves people with whom I simply don't wish to associate, I've never turned anyone away solely through lack of money. Should the numbers be a problem for you, tell me. If I warm to what you're doing, we'll work something out.
What are your payment terms?
Like good contract killers, my norm is 'half-now, the rest when the job's done'. I offer pre-payment discounts and where appropriate I'll structure frequent stage payments for ongoing work. If you genuinely can't afford to pay, tell me and we'll work something out.
How do I pay?
PayPal. I don't accept cash, cheques/checks, direct deposit, wire transfer or any other arrangement. This way, the money's there on time—and there's none of that 'we sent it—didn't you get it?' waiting-around nonsense.
Any guarantee?
'That what I'll do will work?' …of course not—there's too many variables so please don't be silly. Volvo and Mercedes make exceptionally robust, well-engineered safe & reliable automobiles—and offer absolutely no warranty for the scenario of fools who drive around all day long at 120+ just because they're in an 'exceptionally robust, well-engineered safe & reliable automobile'. That said, if you're not happy with what I'm doing or have done I want to know about it… then, if I've fucked-up I'll swiftly put it right without extra charge.
For whom have you worked? Will you supply testimonials from satisfied clients?
Don't ask. And no, I won't. I rarely speak of current or previous work and, 'discretion prevails', never of individual clients. [It's that 'contract killer' thing again.] Use your own best judgment to appraise my offering. This is not a difficult process… look at my presentation… speak with me… long before money changes hands there's ample opportunity to assess my suitability. And if you feel we're not right for each other, just walk away—I won't hesitate.
Is there any material which formally describes your expertise and service?
Nope—I haven't bothered with that kind of stuff for years.
Will all due respect (and honestly, if you need written stuff to decide then you'll not be getting much 'respect' from me), what's the big deal with 'written'? Did you choose schoolfriends that way, or ask your wife/husband for a resumé?
Isn't that a bit cavalier?
Yes, of course. And happily so. My method of business is so different from the norm that many consider it a joke—they've suggested I'm insulting them. Honestly, as I genuinely don't care whether people come to me or not I don't do that whole 'kiss-ass pitch' thing. Instead I simply make clear to folk that 'we're probably not right for each other' and let it go at that.
All things considered, it's an entirely deliberate process to exclude 'the clouds'—those folk who rain'n'snow doubt. This way, those who come to me have used their own best judgment and are enthusiastically convinced… with an absence of 'prove it to me, then' we're clear to get right on with the good stuff.
Do you have a weblog? Any books, whitepapers of other publications?
No—I closed my weblog in June 2004. And, no, no and no on the others. Nor speaking gigs… instead I just provide great advice and help ensure that what needs be done, gets done.
What's with the 'rogue' branding?
Simple: 'playfully mischievous… aberrant, deviating—no longer obedient nor conforming to the norm… isolated, a renegade that has separated itself from the herd, solitary'. With an increasing amount of Societal dumbing-down of which I want no part, this is me making clear I'm standing apart from that crap… the leather-bound book in a newsstand of tabloid magazines.
I've never seen anything like this 'no-nonsense in-your-face' approach. Who else does it?
Honestly, I've never seen anything like it either… and I really want to—it gets lonely at times having no peers with whom 'I can get up and jive, wreck my stockings in some jukebox dive'.
So why don't you just do it normally?
Simple… I'm being real—this is how I naturally am. I see too many folk—good, skilled & experienced people—creepin' around, bottlin' themselves tight and repressing their natural selves just to get the business… and it's often deals they don't want, but just take for the money. I'm not like that and can't & won't do it—I have to be 'me'.
Lazy, undisciplined and often rude… I'm naturally talented, highly experienced (it's not without good reason that it's been said: 'give it to g—if he can't make it work, no one can') and this is my way of marketing an imaginative, knowledgeable, loyal, honest and realistic package.
Your tone is too flippant for me. Why should I bother with you?
No reason at all. Cheerio, toodle-oo, sayonara.
There's a harsh, unfriendly, tone here. Why?
Really? This is much worse. Whatever.
I don't buy into that 'as your friend in business, I'll help you achieve greatness' thing adopted by so too many. It's fake. Listen… do you want a friend—or a better business? If it's the former I suggest you join a club, buy a dog or something similar. If, like me, 'better business' is your agenda then let's discuss it.
Is that you in the picture at the top of this page?
No. And neither is it me on the 'who' page. Next…
Somebody said you were Bipolar. Is that right?
No. I *am* bipolar—'ultra rapid cycler, mixed episodes' if we're being exact. (Regularly going through one or more depressive and manic oscillations within a single day). Entirely practically, I haven't 'farewell cruel world' grabbed a razorblade in years—and 'the other extreme' Robin Williams moments bring huge creativity and help my craft. So sure… although frequently dark-hued, I've been blessed with a colorful life.
How do I learn more about you?
If you're brave, read this. Speak with me—ask sensible questions and listen. At risk of breaking the 'macho branding thing' and exposing my soft white underbelly, I have a 'haven't updated for years' site at glvr.com. (It also has a real picture of me somewhere.)
I have a question not covered here.
No worries. Contact me.