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Ah...

(2 minute read.)

Self-knowledge is valuable.

During the weekend I found some useful information, relevant to my mental health issues raised in the previous note 'Sparks'.

Although not a solution, it does at least suggest a cause.

I hadn't previously been aware of 'autistic burnout'—rather than regular burnout—and with my Asperger's characteristics things are becoming clearer.

With autistic burnout, life (rather than work) becomes the often cyclical stressor and overload. This helps explain why I seem to be stuck in it, and not able to readily sustainably recover. And why, amid bursts of significant creativity and productivity, I'm too often burdened with overwhelm to the extent of being almost at a point of total collapse.

A consequence of my burnout is that, with a weakened mental state, I can't properly handle things which ordinarily wouldn't have been a problem. But in addition to a consequence of burnout, they also become fuel for it… so there's a self-perpetuating 'doom loop'. Fun. Not.

I don't know what the practical solution to this is, because I can't exactly take a break from life can I? But I am at least more aware.

Also during the weekend I had a reminder to refocus on how I regard my Asperger's… to keep in mind that rather than simply being a negative it's in some ways also a positive… I have some increased abilities as well as those which are reduced. (I've written about this previously, but had forgotten.)

This'll likely not be easy. Bummer.

I have work to do. I don't believe in it right now. I don't believe in myself.

When considering the situation rationally, I know I'm good—I have talent and experience. And my projects are sound, with good potential.

But what I struggle to counter is my irrational dominating counter-view. As I've written before…

With an almost total loss of self-confidence, when looking at my project list my typical reaction is…

'That's a stupid idea, and the name is shite—and even if it isn't a stupid idea, the name is still shite'.

And, when using AI for an objective analysis and viewing a project as if it were somebody else's rather than mine, and thinking 'well that's actually quite clever, it's a decent project', then my reaction is 'Who the hell am I to try and do something like that? Do I have the ability? And besides, there's others who're far better placed (smarter/established/more resources) than me, doing similar stuff.'

So yeah…

Added February 11 2026 by g.

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