Viewing: Notes » The Doing.
The Doing.
(10 minute read.)
Peace and anxiety.
Today is one of those times when my self-confidence is at an almost all-time low.
The cause of this is having done some unplanned work this week… primarily to help a friend and colleague, it's grown into a project which, to undertake appropriately, will require my guiding input during the next year or two.
It's triggered one of those 'just what the hell are you doing g?' moments, leading to a full-on assault-reprisal on myself – in which the logical part of me attacks my creativity.
The aforementioned work is good, very good indeed. But it was unplanned, and something I most definitely don't need is more things to do.
I almost certainly don't have enough years left in my life to properly do what's already planned, and so adding more is inexcusably dumb.
And, at my age (68), I want to be doing less not more. I should be relaxing.
My 'potential project' list - the stuff from which I can choose what to do, and which deliberately contains more than I ever could do – is already 'too much'.
Of course my thinking is to some considerable degree illogical… I should be feeling good about the work I've done this week – it's worthwhile and will generate profit for me. Instead though, I'm bemoaning my lack of discipline and ability to 'stick to the plan'.
I shouldn't be surprised about this… for much of my adult life I've creatively improvised, often to my genuine benefit, but still nag myself that I'm inadequate in not being able to 'stay on the path'.
Once again, I've wandered. And, in so doing, tanked my self-worth - a situation which is no stranger to me.
As an entrepreneur (a word I dislike when applied to myself) - but really a 'creative' with business abilities and experience, I'm personally familiar with inadequate and inappropriate self-confidence and self-esteem, and know how crippling it can be.
Hell, I could write a book on this – 'the self-doubt of entrepreneurs' (which is waaaaaaay more prevalent than many will admit), or something similar. Maybe I should? But no, that'd be another project - and I most certainly don't need any more of 'em.
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