Viewing: Notes » Why?
Why?
(3 minute read.)
Why not?
'…the informal meandering conversationally-toned style in which it's presented, is entirely intentional.'
Thus reads my intro page. And so, in knowing how a normal business site should be written, why do I choose to not do it that way—what's the intent?
Simple. As noted elsewhere onsite…
I try to present myself honestly and authentically, and not attempt to persuade or manipulate.
I'm encouraged by Carl Sagan, who spoke of our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another.
Also, again as noted elsewhere onsite…
My character and activity isn't always business-as-usual, and so some additional clarification is probably wise. For this my preference is to over-communicate and thus reduce the potential for doubt.
And because the product/service here is 'me', I have to write about myself—how my character etcetera influences my commercial activity.
I prefer (and try to build) commercial relationships founded upon a genuine personal connection— at least as best as can be achieved when money-changing-hands is involved.
Proactively being open about myself helps to avoid inappropriate relationships.
And so with this in mind, how I'm currently feeling and may be affected/influenced by things in my personal or business life at any particular time can be of significant relevance to those potentially considering associating with me.
I continue to be uncomfortable about some of the personal detail I publish… it's not that I'm embarrassed by my failures and inadequacies, but with low self-confidence I struggle with the social pressure of 'gulliver, that's not how normal people do things' and I find it difficult (though am able) to continue to resist an ongoing need I feel to modify onsite info and other aspects of what I do so as to better fit in.
And in writing about myself I'm fully aware that I could be considered 'narcissistic'. I'm not—or at least I don't think I am… I don't have the typical characteristics associated with such a disposition: grandiose acts, bragging, hypersensitivity to slights, or seek constant praise and validation from others.
I will though openly acknowledge my feelings of inadequacy, fragile sense of self-worth, anxiety, shame, and vulnerability. With a smile of self-deprecation… 'useless twat' just about covers that lot, I think. And I back it with many years of 'disastrous personal and commercial activity—marriages and businesses'.
Elsewhere onsite I've openly considered myself as 'perhaps the world's worst entrepreneur'. Although I laugh about that, I'm not joking.
I don't enjoy business (and would far rather 'watch the river flow' than build bridges)—I just happen to know a lot about how to do it. (Some natural ability, and a lot of study and experience.)
But the considerable disconnect between knowing what to do and wanting to do it has often been a problem. 🙂 I do not have a stellar career.
As a fifteen-year-old kid I had a grammar school report of: 'He has obvious talent. He just will not use it. It is infuriating.'
Gifted underachiever? Ya think? I'm not lazy, and fifty-five years later I still don't properly understand myself. Oh well.
Anyway… so now we all know… let's please move on.
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