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Say what?
(4 minute read.)
I would have said more...
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I expect this to be my almost-final note here—at least for some considerable time.
This isn't a decision to be less open and authentic—it's simply an issue of priority.
I don't have the time and energy I'd like, and so I want to use what I have accordingly.
The situation is that, whatever my health, I'm continuing to work on my venture projects as best I can and am making progress—albeit less and more slowly than I would like.
Things will get built, and launched. Eventually.
My focus continues to be on the things I can do—strategy and content. It's good foundational work. In due course, I'll find a solution to my inability (mental health issues*) to launch.
*I consider 'mental health issues' to often be a pejorative phrase, carrying stigma and disrespect… it shouldn't be—and instead could be a neutral way to consider psychological struggles.
My own 'mental health issue' circumstances, about which I've never been secretive, are simply that post/continuing burnout I'm changed: I cannot face the responsibility of having to 'be on duty every day, dealing with stuff'.
Truth is, I'm in no fit state to do much of anything that requires interacting with others. I'm a mess, emotional wreck… in the literal sense of the term—dysfunctional and too easily distressed, exhausted, overwhelmed.
I'm not simply being a bit precious. The thought of, and attempting to do, 'launch and beyond'-associated stuff triggers a relatively intense physiological reaction… nausea, abdominal pain, and a mild sensation of doom/panic. And 'oh yeah, almost forgot'—the angina returns. And sometimes, I cry. Obviously, this is not good.
I've tried to overcome this through 'attitude change', but in so doing have caused myself not inconsiderable damage. And so, in going forward, I'm trying to better accept my revised role as 'songwriter, rather than singer'.
I should perhaps mention that such behavior can be typical of post/continuing significant burnout.
Wanting to reduce responsibilities, the overwhelm I've previously noted, and suchlike can be a normal biological and psychological distress signal of a depleted nervous system requiring more than simply 'a quick fix' and to which demands feel like a threat.
Returning to the issue of 'Things will get built, and launched. Eventually.'…
Howso?
I currently have no idea. Hope, origami, divine intervention perhaps.
Obviously, I jest.
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