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Say what?
(4 minute read.)
I would have said more...
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I expect this to be my almost-final note here—at least for some considerable time.
This isn't a decision to be less open and authentic—it's simply an issue of priority.
I don't have the time and energy I'd like, and so I want to use what I have accordingly.
The long-story-short situation is that, whatever my health, I'm continuing to work on my venture projects as best I can and am making progress—albeit less and more slowly than I would like.
Things will get built, and launched. Eventually.
In due course, I'll find a workaround solution to the persisting/ongoing burnout (from unresolvable issues in my personal life) which influences my decision to indefinitely delay launch.
And meantime, my focus continues to be on the things I can do—strategy and content. It's good foundational work.
This situation, about which I've never been secretive, is simply that from burnout I'm changed—as part of which I cannot face the responsibility of having to 'be on duty every day, dealing with stuff'.
Truth is, in addition to significant physical fatigue I'm in no fit state to do much of anything that requires interacting with others. I'm a mess—dysfunctional and too easily distressed, exhausted, overwhelmed.
I'm not simply being a bit precious. The thought of, and attempting to do, 'launch and beyond'-associated stuff triggers a relatively intense physiological reaction… nausea, abdominal pain, and a mild sensation of doom/panic. And 'oh yeah, almost forgot'—the angina returns. And sometimes, I cry. Obviously, this is not good.
I've tried to overcome this through 'attitude change', but in so doing have caused myself not inconsiderable damage. And so, in going forward, I'm trying to better accept my revised role as 'songwriter, rather than singer'.
I should perhaps mention that such behavior can be typical of post/continuing significant burnout.
Wanting to reduce responsibilities, the overwhelm I've previously noted, and suchlike, can be a normal biological and psychological distress signal of a depleted nervous system requiring more than simply 'a quick fix' and to which demands feel like and are a very real threat.
I don't care about how others might overcome greater adversity. With no desire to emulate them, I won't force myself… and will continue to do what's best for me personally and my commercial objective.
I of course wish I wasn't so psychologically messed-up. I find it tough, personally and commercially—extreme unhappiness and an almost total lack of self-belief/confidence.
I know my projects and my strategy are mostly good, but the continuing doubt about it and my ability to do it make things difficult.
And I do oh-so-often wish that I'd decided to build something other than a bloody publishing business… and would therefore be able to do less than have to undertake the multiple projects (books, etcetera) required by a publisher.
Returning to the issue of 'Things will get built, and launched. Eventually.'…
Howso?
I currently have no idea. Hope, origami, divine intervention perhaps.
Obviously, I jest.
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