Viewing: Notes » Another sitrep.
Another sitrep.
(7 minute read.)
What's happening. Etcetera.
(continued… page 2 of 2)
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Continuing, several hours later…
After further thought, I'll now partially contradict what I wrote earlier.
Although to some extent my view of 'too many projects of too low quality' is valid, I'm revising it.
I do have too many projects. And too many of them are too low quality. But despite a few genuine howlers (stupid and embarrassing mistakes), most of them *are* sensible and viable—better than I'd suggested earlier.
Although it's always been my intent to do multiple projects, but not as many as I now have, I'm having difficulty adjusting my attitude to embrace this. I've somehow started to 'think small'… probably because my misbehaving burnout-affected brain has such significant doubt about my ability to build and run anything requiring more than my personal input (and sometimes to build and run anything at all—I too often feel totally incompetent, and literally hopeless). (I've historically enjoyed the relative ease of being an advisor—it's something I know I can do, and do well and relatively easily.)
But becoming a small publisher is a modest and sensible thing. (Hell, it's not as if I'm trying to start a competitor to McDonalds, or crowdfund a manned space flight, etcetera.) And there's nought difficult about it. Nor is outsourcing tasks… and of course, before too long 'the cavalry will arrive' in the form of agentic AI which can handle much of what would have been outsourced to humans, and so greatly ease what I want to do.
I do though recognise that deciding whether to do many projects or fewer, to go the 'become a publisher' route or instead to 'think small' and focus on just a handful of projects is still a valid consideration.
And it's something about which I've become increasingly uncertain and stressed. Eventually though, after a lot of thought and mental-tumbling turmoil and genuine pain, I become able to tentatively and gingerly (though perhaps temporarily, and so I may experience this cycle again) accept that the reality of my situation is that what I'm trying to do *is* viable for me, even though I think it isn't and that I can't do it.
It's worth mentioning that a significant part of my worry has been purely financial, the cost of domains while projects are queued. Individually, the cost-per-project for up to a couple years is minor. But, with so many projects the domain tally is not inconsiderable—more than two hundred. Howso? .com and .co.uk, plus some 'defensives' (variously sometimes prefixing 'a' or 'the', suffixing 's' for plural, etcetera). Ouch.
Money has been tight in recent years, still is, and I'm covering domain costs from meagre personal savings which, because of the low self-confidence thing, my brain suggests I should retain—cling to tightly—because I'll never be able to earn any money ever again.
But my savings, which I use to supplement a pension, would never have been enough to last and enable even a modest lifestyle for the rest of my life. So I need to work and earn, as part of which I need to invest in myself.
Anyway, that's enough for this sitrep. I recognise and accept it's incomplete and flawed, just as I am. 🙂
I haven't enjoyed writing it, finding it genuinely painful because I've had to think about issues beyond my commercial activity. Doing so has reinforced just how much my business stuff is affected by what I consider (with some self-deprecation, but not too much exaggeration) to be 'my catastrophically unhappy personal life'.
But I'm lucky… things could be much worse, and I'm glad they're not.
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