Viewing: Notes » Jeez. ('Oh f***.')
Jeez. ('Oh f***.')
(2 minute read.)
Crisis, what crisis? Oh yeah, this one.
I'm a firm believer in the potential benefit of journaling publicly.
And so, with that in mind, here's something initially intended as private but now public…
I'm fyi-reporting this (to myself, in my personal journal) as a circumstance relevant to my business activity, not a request for help (even though it's a bad situation which I do not know how to overcome and recover from).
As part of my return to business activity after an extended time-out for ill health, during the past year-or-so I've been doing initial pre-launch work on a variety of projects.
In still recovering (more slowly than anticipated) from a significant burnout (a consequence of personal, as well as business, circumstances) I've not been well enough to launch anything, and so rather than sit around doing nothing have chosen to use my time and energy to add more projects 'queued for future launch', to be progressively introduced during the next couple of years.
Even though I know, that when objectively judged, much of my work has been good, and the queueing strategy is sensible and viable, I've probably/definitely far too many projects.
I feel terrible. I've never been this unhappy about my personal life, or felt such a failure in business.
I've almost (a tiny glimmer remains) completely lost hope in ever being happy again and my ability to make any of my business projects work.
I feel shame and guilt about what I've done in the past year-or-so… taking on so many projects, and the associated spend on domains.
Additionally, I worry about continuing to spend money on renewals to keep the projects active while they're queued.
I've recently started to have an intense physiological reaction—nausea, intestinal and chest pain—about the whole situation. With difficulty writing this, I just want to curl up and cry. I often genuinely do not want to be alive (but am not suicidal).
So yeah… I'm clearly struggling. Oh well.
I believe that writing this genuinely helps, though I feel silly and weak in doing so and it's becoming difficult because the 'feeling sleepy' defensive reaction is kicking-in.
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