Viewing: Notes » Rinse.
Rinse.
(6 minute read.)
One is all, and all is one?
Ooh, almost forgot… I'm minded of that Hemingway riff…
The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places.
But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry.
And in expressing the feelings I've unloaded here, I wonder what he may have written. Pared down, stripped of metaphor, yet loaded with quiet ache. He wouldn’t say much, but he’d mean everything:…
Journal. Morning.
The morning was gray and the music was loud. Hendrix. I let it play because the silence was worse.
I feel like hell. That’s not new.
Some days come with a fight. Some days come with a hammer. Today came with the hammer. There’s no fight in me, and I’m not ashamed of it. You can only throw so many punches before your arms don’t come up.
I have work to do. I don’t believe in it right now. I don’t believe in myself. That happens. It passes. But while it’s here, it sits heavy.
They say you should talk to yourself kindly. That you should rewrite the thoughts, make them better. It doesn’t work. Not today. The thoughts don’t listen.
I cried. That’s a fact. Crying helps. It empties the tank.
I’ve stopped trying to beat it. I let it in. It stays awhile. It leaves when it’s ready. We’ve known each other a long time, and there’s no point pretending we haven’t.
There’s no romance in this. It just is.
I’ve made mistakes. Many. I’ve been loved badly, and I’ve loved worse. I wanted too much from the wrong people. That costs you. You learn to keep your distance. It keeps the heart quiet, but it gets lonely.
I don’t look for hope. But I know it comes. Sunlight always comes, even when you stop asking for it.
The Who came on. Love, Reign O’er Me. I let it play too.
The world breaks you. That’s its job. If it doesn’t kill you, it leaves you tougher in the cracks.
That’s something.
Anyway. Life calls. We answer.
xx
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