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Limp.

'Rumors of my demise may not have been greatly exaggerated.'

'Fuzzy' noted (for information, not attention-and-sympathy) I've ongoing health issues which affect my work.

This has never been a secret, and it's relevant to mention the situation.

I won't dwell on or whine about it… hell, things could be a lot worse and I'm glad they're not.

But the reality is that I won't work in some of the ways which might be typically expected of someone 'doing entrepreneurial stuff'.

Overall, I'm weaker… less confident, more absent-minded and introverted, with reduced resilience, than I used to be.

It's required a change in how I work, to more of an advisory/background role.

I can still do long days and all-nighters, but that's not wise.

To be effective I need to work smarter rather than longer/harder, and so I try to restrict myself to 3-4 days a week, each no more than 4-6 hours.

The root cause of my depletion is several unrelated issues:

Although independent of one another, none fully-cleared and so the effect of each has been worsened by the chronologically-previous incident.

The cumulative consequence has been significant and progressively greater fatigue (at times literally incapacitating physical tiredness) and relatively mild cognitive impairment (affecting memory, thinking and judgment).

Cognitively…

  • I forget things more often.
  • Some familiar things which I used to do easily, are now puzzling. And learning new things is considerably more difficult.
  • Focus and ability to concentrate is sometimes reduced, leading me to more easily lose my 'train of thought' or the thread of conversations, books or movies.
  • I sometimes feel overwhelmed when reading/taking instruction, planning steps to accomplish a task, and making decisions.
  • My judgment can be poor.
  • I've reduced tolerance, increased irritability and apathy.

I've largely adapted to these issues by changing what I do and how I do it, in combination with neuroplasticity therapy.

And, surprisingly, in some areas of 'thought process' I've become genuinely more able (focussed, balanced, tempered) than I've ever been.

Other aspects do however continue to be a problem.

But the ongoing fatigue remains a significant issue.

I am tired, I am weary, I could sleep for a thousand years.

Venus in Furs

The weariness is at times (and increasingly) so prevalent that perhaps I should go about my business in nightcap and pyjamas.

So yeah, sure, Life's fun…

At times, I… genuinely don’t know whether I’m coming or going, nor have the ability to work it out or the energy to do something about it even if I could be bothered.

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