Viewing: Notes » Fall, alone.
Fall, alone.
(9 minute read.)
'Your cup be empty, bro.'
I'm aware that I can't do some stuff I previously could, and that I need to work differently—a revised role in which I no longer even try to do some of what I used to. But some of these are things that I still feel I need to do to be a 'proper' entrepreneur… and so I lapse into my 'old mindset' and try to do stuff I clearly no longer can/shouldn't.
This and this are probably relevant.
I need to remind myself…
Burnout destroys confidence by eroding self-worth, leading to deep feelings of ineffectiveness, inadequacy, and intense self-doubt.
It turns professional or personal challenges into perceived personal failures, causing people to doubt their skills, become pessimistic, and withdraw. This often results in reduced efficacy (the ability to produce a desired or intended result) and chronic imposter syndrome.
And what I particularly need to keep in mind is that my burnout isn't simply work-related, and is a consequence of stress and ongoing other issues in my personal life—and so 'rest to recover', even when I get the chance to do so, is of very limited benefit.
Returning to the 'work, inability, overload' problem… the easy solution would be if I had a partner or employees to undertake specific tasks. In the absence of those, things remain a little difficult.
With my work and projects, the consequence of burnout-induced low self-confidence and -esteem is…
I often think 'well that's a stupid idea, and the name is shite—and even if it isn't a stupid idea, the name is still shite'.
When using AI to provide an objective analysis, to view a project as if it were somebody else's rather than mine, I might think 'that's a decent project, it's actually quite clever'… but then feel 'Who the hell am I to try and do something like that? Do I have the ability? And besides, there's others who're far better placed (smarter/established/more resources) than me, doing similar stuff.'
And… 'OMG—what the hell have I done, in even thinking I could do this?', I feel almost everything I do is a mistake, even when I look at it rationally and know that it's not.
With it comes a feeling of 'none of it will work, and I'll never again earn any money'.
Also present is no small amount of regret and guilt and shame.
Oh, almost forgot… the high enthusiasm to profound apathy switchback… completely unpredictable. One day I want to expand projects and/or add more. Another day I'd gladly 'fuck it' walk away from it all. Additionally, there are things in my personal life about which I should care more than I do, yet for whatever reason don't seem able to.
All things considered, what I've described here is not a trivial issue. I am genuinely quite unwell.
Being objectively positive… the relevant abilities which remain are that I'm still able to come up with good ideas and appropriate strategy, and additionally provide good content. It's the execution where I'm weak.
Anyway, enough.
Let's close on a light note, something PJ O'Rourke-style »
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