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What? When?
(2 minute read.)
'If there is no struggle, there is no progress.' Really?
Recently, I've been uncomfortably wondering just what the hell I've been doing since resuming commercial activity after my time away, and the apparent lack of progress.
How can I have taken so long to do so little?
Fortunately, I do have an excuse.
Something relevant is that the intervening period hasn't been four years of 'proper' work schedule. For much of that time I've been inactive, deliberately so. And often when I have been working, it's not been full time.
Post-burnout, with still poor health, even if I wanted to (and there've frequently been such times) I can no longer do 12 hour days or 40-60 hour weeks.
So things have been stop-go, with quite a lot a stop. Oh well, such is life. I do now at last/least have projects with good commercial potential and which fit my ideals.
I'd hoped my health would improve, but that's clearly overly optimistic. And so I continue to learn to live with limitations, recognising my flaws and accepting that there are things I cannot do because I'm physically too tired or mentally/emotionally f*cked, or otherwise depleted.
I can't do stuff I previously could.
I can't do stuff that I reasonably need to do to be a 'proper' entrepreneur.
There are days when I just can't function, and should stay away from even trying to work. And sometimes those days become weeks.
There's times when the nausea is too bad. And other times when I might be curled fetal position crying because of my catastrophically unhappy personal life.
I no longer rush things, and continue to accept and adapt to my new restricted role of 'not being able to do it all alone'… I can no longer be 'the one man band' playing all the instruments and singing the songs, and so I'm trying to become comfortable with my new role as just a songwriter.
Anyway, it is what it is.
I do though sometimes wonder just how the hell I'm going to get anything done…I've so little physical energy and almost no self-confidence.
If that alone isn't bad enough, I seem to have set myself a Herculean task with so many projects. It frequently leads me to recoil and think 'OMG—what the hell have I done, in even thinking I could do this?'
However, considered objectively, what I'm trying to do isn't outrageous. Is entirely viable.
The objective is sensible.
The strategy is practical.
I have the ability.
And my proposed use of technology and outsourcing makes things easier.
But I can't currently mentally join things together… where I am now, and where I want to be. It remains a problem to which I don't have an answer.
Another issue is that it's 04:57am as I'm finishing this. I've already been awake for several hours. I should be sleeping.
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