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'I'm just a working man, working 'til the day is done.'

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Sit-rep #50912: Another day, another grind? Hardly.

My health, or rather the lack thereof, continues to be an issue… a definite impediment to progress.

It is what it is—I wish things were better, and I'm glad they're not worse.

The cardiac issue remains 'no better, no worse'. And I've no idea what the cancer is doing… I guess there'll come a time when I'll know.

I'm not worried about either. But it'd be nice to be able to properly get on with my commercial activity.

I guess one benefit of the perpetual burnout of recent years is that things don't deteriorate further.

Some of the psychological challenges are tough.

Although I know how to deal with 'em, such knowledge and experience ain't always enough… and so the self-doubt/recrimination remains a significant issue which at best I'm able to tolerate rather than sustainably overcome.

It's daft, really—and I know it. Despite some catastrophic screw-ups in my life, I am actually quite good at what I do.

And I've become even further withdrawn—I do not relish engagement with others… and so remain largely holed-up in my hermitage, rarely venturing forth into the world. (I'm feeling increasingly like Brian O'Blivion, the media guru in Cronenberg's audaciously imaginative 'Videodrome'… a character who only lives as a video-recorded image.)

Anyway…

'Productivity?' Ha. I dream of such things. And were I to have anything resembling a schedule, I'd most certainly be 'running behind', decidedly late.

So, amid considerable ongoing physical and mental exhaustion, I vary my activity and re-prioritize accordingly…

Proverbially 'more song-writing than singing', with a lot of observation and reflection, I focus on book-type content creation and strategy rather than execution.

Simply… 'I evolve, 'sall ok.'

Added February 14 2025 by g.

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