Viewing: Notes » Dazed and confused.
Dazed and confused.
(6 minute read.)
Cognitive overload, and the consequences thereof.
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As my self-imposed absence from full-time commercial activity continues, I've various friends, colleagues, and associates often asking how I am.
With that in mind, I consider it worthwhile to prepare an appropriate response to which I can link.
Besides, what goes on with me is hardly a secret—and this note is also relevant as full disclosure to 'chance encounters', those with whom I might unexpectedly meet and consider commercial association (which, although I'm neither actively seeking nor expecting nor hoping for, I remain open to) .
So here's the sit-rep, in more detail than might seem appropriate—but Dylan's 'let us not talk falsely now' line from 'All Along the Watchtower' is perhaps relevant in my trying to pre-empt and reduce the inevitable follow-up questions…
And, lest anyone gets the wrong impression, I'm simply reporting what's happening rather than additionally whining about it. (I'm genuinely relaxed and chilled about my situation.)
I've previously noted various incidents which have contributed to a reduction in my 'mental processing power'.
They're likely responsible for the situation in which I currently find myself, in that…
I'm troubled by (and to some extent struggling with) cognitive overload. It's affecting my personal and commercial life.
Cognitive overload?
Cognitive overload occurs when the brain is presented with too much information.
A direct consequence is an inability to appropriately receive/process/give information.
Simply, there's too much going on in my head, swirling around, impeding my ability to think clearly and do what I should.
I find it harder and am slower to absorb and assimilate new information and situations. I've often had this issue throughout my life, and it's now more pronounced.
My memory (of even very recent activity) and reasoning are impaired, often leading to poor decisions (and consequent self-recrimination) or a complete inability to actually make a decision.
There's also a significant reduction in my ability to verbally communicate.
Perhaps oddly, my ability to think-and-write seems to be not too badly affected; I can still find a few words and sling 'em around now and again. (Perhaps because it uses a specific part of the brain, in a specific manner.)
Additional consequences include…
Emotionally, the impairment is considerable—amid almost ever-present anxiety (a persistent state of worry) and nervousness (a more acute stress response), overwhelm comes frequently and quickly.
There's many things that I simply cannot face and deal with; I don't relish and can't handle the activity and interaction with others—even family and friends… so, where able, I continue to disengage and withdraw.
In those situations from which I've been unable to disengage, my participation is often weak and cloudy—and consequentially I feel horrible: inferior, sad and, at times, weepy. Nauseous, too.
Hardly surprisingly, self-esteem (whether we appreciate and value ourself) and self-confidence (belief in ourself and our ability) are hugely diminished.
And it's soooooo tiring, mentally/emotionally and physically.
It's not all crap though… like a tv that works properly only intermittently, the car with the sometimes engine misfire, the comes-and-goes toothache, my ability varies—it's patchy, like rain and sunny showers.
So, amid this notable decline, I do get 'ok periods'… 'bring me fresh cape and tights, I *will* leap tall buildings' Superman times.
And others where I'm so diminished that probably the best thing I can do (after I've watched Netflix for hours and eaten all the ice cream), is to find a quiet corner into which I can curl foetal position and cry.
Much of my thought and deed is genuinely as good as it ever was… but I can't do enough of it, and don't know when the next 'totally f***ing useless' period will come.
So yeah, such a state is obviously not conducive to doing good business.
If I had an existing business I could likely run it just fine.
But to launch new projects and build viable enterprises therefrom requires stuff—ability, desire, energy—I currently don't have in abundance.
All things (including my current weakness) considered though, and with my preferred role and the work I've already done on my projects-in-progress and the further work I'm still able to do on them firmly in mind, I'm good enough—particularly if I adjust my workload and do less than I was initially intending.
And yes, I'm aware that my confidence may by some be mistaken for self-delusion and/or arrogance.
Anyway…
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